Looking back, everything takes on a patina glow. I don't trust my perceptions, and realize lately how much of my life has been a lucky stumble. Do other people map out their lives? Were they given a map or a menu? I mean, how did they know the choices ahead?
All of which is to say I'm okay. You asked, which was thoughtful, and I got your note on a particularly low day so I hesitated to answer. You know how it is: when you feel low it seems you've always been low and will always be low. But it's not true, and I forget and remember every damn time.
Sometimes it seems this internal gnaw will grind me away. And yet I return again and again, without will or intention, to this place and space I know so well: Oh yes, here we are again at the corner of lonely & sorrow.
The routine is both inexplicable and familiar. The bed is made, lights are dim, and every hush and holler says, hello, make yourself uncomfortable.
But today is new, and the sun is shining. The lilacs are about to burst and I'm cheering on this small triumph.
At the nursing home, I lead a writing group. It’s an assorted collection of sick and frail old people with a tough batch of challenges: dementia, stroke, paralysis, loss of hearing and sight . . . and I love it. At a recent writing session, Betty*, who has suffered one loss after another, wrote: I am thankful for all the springs I've had.
I just about cried.
So, yes, I am here and thankful.
Because attention attracts gratitude and gratitude expands joy, it's time for Thankful Thursday. Please join me in a weekly pause to reflect and express appreciation for people, places, things & more. What are you thankful for today?
* as always, names have been changed.